Dear Violet...

Today marks your 4 month birthday!  I seriously CANNOT believe you are already 4 months old!  I thought you changed at lightening speed during your first 3 months...but the changes don't compare to your 4th month!  I can really start to see your personality shine through.  You're laid back, happy, energetic, snuggly, and overall, a very blissful and content little baby.

Here are some of the things you're doing right now:

--You are a chatterbox.  And you've moved on from 'goo'.  You talk so much and so loud now!  I absolutely love it!  You especially love talking to your ceiling fan while lying in your crib...

--You don't scream as much in the car.  Thank God!

--Your hair in the back (or as Katie likes to describe it as your "rat tail") is so long that I can put a ponytail in it!  Have I mentioned that you're 4 MONTHS and not 4 YEARS old??

--I refuse to talk about your sleep habits right now for fear of jinxing it.  It seems that every time I start to brag about what a great sleeper you are, you always try to prove me wrong!

--You met your future husband (according to your Daddy and Uncle Wil) a few weeks ago.  He made you cry the first time you met him.  I really hope you toughen up when it comes to boys!  You're the one that's supposed to make HIM cry!  

--I had to take you to the doctor a couple of weeks ago because I was afraid you had an ear infection.  Nope.  Just dry skin!  

--When they weighed you at the appointment, you were 12 pounds and 5 ounces.  You're such a petite lil thing!  

--You have your 4 month doctor's appointment next week where you'll get your second round of shots.  Boo.  I predict you'll be 13 pounds by then.  

--You aren't eating as often as you were last month.  That means your growing!

--Your chubby little legs are getting stronger and stronger everyday.  You LOVE to stand and just look all around.

--You now enjoy tummy time!  Whoo hoo!  When you lay on your tummy, you look like you're so proud that you can hold your head up high.  You just look all around as if you see things from a different perspective now.  

--We still swaddle you at night but you always bust through the swaddle.  

--You only want your binky when you're sleepy.  

--The bathroom exhaust fan still seems to calm you down when you're mad and help us put you to sleep!  I kinda wish we had an exhaust in every room so I don't have to spend time in the bathroom!  

--You prefer to be cradled when we're trying to put you down for a nap or bedtime.  You used to want to be held on our shoulders, but now, you want to be cradled, with a binky and with a blanket over your face.  The blanket on your face/head may or may not make you look like you're a member of a white supremacist group....hey, whatever works! 

--It takes you a bit to warm up to strangers.  You still prefer to be held by me or Daddy.

--Your Eemo got to visit us last month and you were sooo funny when you first saw her!  You would look at her, then look at me, then look at her, then look at me.  You were totally thinking, "Ummmm...why are there 2 mommys???"  Eemo said, "Ummm...you need to introduce her to more Asians, because clearly she's confused as to why there are TWO Asians!"  

--You haven't rolled over yet, but I think you'll start to roll any day now.  

--You took your first dip in a swimming pool at Uncle Darin and Aunt Nicki's last weekend.  We only dipped your feet in and you just couldn't stop staring at the water.  

--You don't hate the sunlight anymore.  I was beginning to think you were a vampire!  I'm glad you're getting used to the bright sun b/c mama needs to lay out this summer! 

--You can say, "Omma," which is "Mom" in Korean...okay, so you may be saying it on accident, but my heart still skips a beat when I hear you say it.

--You laugh a lot.  And it makes me laugh a lot.   

--You reach and grab for anything and everything.  And when you get your little hands on it, it goes straight to your mouth.  

This has been the most incredible four months and the best part is, I know it's only going to get better.  You've brought so much joy into our lives.  You bring happiness and sunshine into a room no matter where you're at.  You're so beautiful on the outside and I hope you grow to be as beautiful on the inside.  I've never been so exhausted in my life, but it's all worth it.  I would never trade a sleepless night for anything.  Time spent with you is always cherished and I don't even complain if I have to get up in the middle of the night.  My friends have changed my attitude on that and instead, I love being able to hold you and cuddle you no matter if it's 3 in the afternoon or 3 in the morning.  I love you more than anything and I'm so proud to be called your mom.  

Love,

Mommy

Distracted by your bling.  

You are just the sweetest lil thing...  

You truly are the happiest little lady!

20 Summer Goals

1.  Lose the remaining baby weight (4 pounds) that is stuck to my ass and thighs.

2.  Have V sleep trained...just in time for her to teeth and break every rule of the sleep training!  (Ugh.  Teething...I think I hate that word more than "blowouts"...but not more than "dump.")

3.  Go to at least 2 Cardinals games this summer.  Bud Light just tastes better at Busch Stadium...  

4.  Get a nice tan!

5.  Go to my nephew's tee ball games.

6.  Try not to cut my hair.  (This is going to be a hard one.  I want to grow my hair out, but the longer it gets, the more spit-up it catches when I'm burping V...)  

7.  Read this book.

8.  Find an organization that I can volunteer for.

9.  Try to spend more time away from V.  (Just typing this out makes me very anxious!!!)

10.  Make this dessert.  (Yes, this counteracts with goal #1.)

11.  Find a cheap flight to Boston for V and me.

12.  Go the farmer's market at least every other week.  

13.  Learn the tricks to my Nikon camera.  And by learn, I mean have my brother in law fly out from Boston and teach me how to use it...again...  

14.  Try to get all the pineapples, bananas and watermelon on Angry Birds Rio.  

15.  Try not to get bitten by any mosquitos.  

16.  Spend more time with Connor Kleinschmidt.  

17.  Make a lot of homemade ice cream.  

18.  Go on evening walks with V and B.  

19.  Go on early morning walks with Bridget, Brooke and Deb.  (This should help with #10 and #17.)

20.  Try to get more sleep!!!  (In my dreams.)

(I gotta throw in some pics of V with every post!  :)

 

Yes folks, her hair is long enough for a pony tail!

 Hasn't quite mastered sitting up yet!

Babies like to wear jeggings, too!

The Stare Down: A Case Study of a Baby vs Her Parents During Bedtime

So, I'm usually gushing about my little lady...about how she's so sweet and how much I love her....yada yada yada.  None of that's changed.  She's still sweet and I still love her.  But I'm not going to gush about her today.  Why?  Because she's been battling us during bedtime, and I can't take it anymore!  And I need your help.  I'm going to give you the facts and you give me the solution.  Please?

Here's what happened last night.  This isn't what happens every night, but some nights.  Enough times to where I'm about to go cray cray.

We usually start trying to get her to go to bed around 7:30.  She starts getting fussy then.  Brad rocks her for a while and then I nurse her.  We usually don't get her sound asleep until 8:30.  It usually takes us a couple of times to lay her down in the crib without her waking up.
She slept from 8:30 to 12:45. NOT LONG ENOUGH.
Last night we decided that we're not going to pick her up and rock her back to sleep...she's gotta figure it out on her own.  She didn't wake up crying and just laid there for about 15 minutes (I'm watching her on my video monitor).  Then she started whimpering.  Then when no one picked her up, she started crying.  And crying some more.  Baby daddy went and picked her up for a bit and tried to get her to calm down and go back to sleep.  Fail.  So he put her in the crib and gave her the binky.  She laid there for another 2 hours.  She didn't cry too much, only when the binky fell out.  But about 3:00, she started to cry again.  At this point, I was so exhausted and didn't know what to do and didn't want her to start crying it out again.  So, I caved and gave her my boob...a guaranteed silencer and sleep aid.  When I crawled back into bed, it was 3:45.  She had been awake for 3 hours.  Then she slept from 3:45 to 7:00 this morning.  NOT LONG ENOUGH.  I have time to blog right now because she's already gone down for her first nap.  Yeah, kiddo, you're exhausted because you slept like a newborn last night!  But not even when YOU were a newborn because you slept better than that!!

So, I'm asking everyone for advice.  I know she needs to cry it out and learn how to go to sleep on her own...but crying it out is the HARDEST thing EVER.  Listening to her cry just breaks my heart and all I want to do is hold her and soothe her.  But I know that's not helping the situation.  I KNOW she can sleep through the night because she did it from 5 weeks old until about 9 weeks old.  I'm talking, 8 hours plus another 3 hours plus maybe another 1 1/2 hours.  In fact, she slept 8 hours on Sunday night.  So I know she can do it.  I just don't know how to get her to do it every single night.  I'll even take the 6 straight hours she was sleeping for about 2 weeks ago!

I think one of the problems is that she may be teething.  She has been really slobbery lately and she's tugging on her ears a lot.  I really noticed it last night on the video monitor when she was awake.  In fact, she's tugging on her left ear so much/so hard that her ear lobe is starting to bleed where it's connected to her face!  Which, I suppose that's a whole different issue/blog post...  I guess if she's teething, then sleep methods might not work so well?

A few more facts to consider:
We swaddle her when we put her down for bed.  But she always busts through the swaddle, but that doesn't necessarily wake her up.
We usually have the sound machine on very softly on falling rain, but I read that if you use too much white noise, that can delay the speech for the child??  Not sure how true that is, so I'd like to stop using the sound machine.  (I think I really need to stop reading all these different studies....it just makes me more nervous and worry even more than I already do!)

I know in order for V to be a healthy, happy baby, she needs to get good sleep.  And in order for me to not pull my hair out and call her names, she needs to get good sleep!  My 4 month blog post is coming up in a couple of weeks and that's where I usually gush about all her great qualities!  I need her to sleep well before then or my blog post will be this:

Dear Violet/Stinker Baby,
You're 4 months old today.  Good for you.
I'm too exhausted to blog.
I'm looking into a coffee IV drip right now.
Love, Mommy

This is Violet staring me down through the video monitor last night.  She definitely has the look of determination and defiance, doesn't she??

100 days // Baek-il

Today marks Violet's 100 days or Baek-il.  In the Korean tradition, this is an important day because historically, there used to be high infant mortality rates.  So when a baby had reached its 100 days of being alive, there was a celebration and thanksgiving.  Traditionally, a small feast is prepared to celebrate the child's having survived this difficult period.  Historically, the mothers and babies were house bound for 3 months to ensure safety and good health for the mother and baby.   (I could not imagine not leaving the house for 3 months!!!  Even with Facebook, all the Real Housewives shows on Bravo and Oprah's final season to entertain me, I'd still go crazy!)

The traditions and customs are probably very different today, due to the fact of low infant mortality rates, but it's still a day of celebration and thanksgiving.  This day, I'm so thankful that Violet has been so healthy and happy these past 100 days.  She's been growing and changing everyday and I hope I never forget the happiness and love that I've felt in these past 100 days.  What's even more exciting is the next 100 days...and the 100 days after that...and after that...and after that!  Okay, you get the point.  Thank you, Brad, family, and friends for helping me keep her safe, healthy, happy and loved.  I could not have survived these 100 days without you all!

Happy 100 days, my sweet Violet Ann Nareh...I love you more than anything in the whole wide world...

Such a big girl!!

This face makes me beyond happy.  

Longest hair ever for a 3 month old!

Violet and her Eemo whom she loves so much!

The Hwang ladies!

So happy!!

Her outfit says Nareh, which is her Korean name that my parents gave her, which means "wings."  

Violet and Grandma...so happy and proud.  

Happy 100 days, boo!  

Dear Violet...

Today marks my first Mother's Day and your 3 month birthday.  Since my 2 month post, you've gone through so many changes and grown so much!  Your personality is starting to really show and I'm loving every bit of it!  I've been trying to get used to all the different ways you're changing and the different ways that you need me...please be patient with me, my love!

Here are some of the ways you've changed and grown since you were 2 months old:

--Right after I bragged about how you've been sleeping through the night, you decided to change up on me and sleep like a normal 2 month old!  That was a bit of an adjustment for me!  But now you're back to sleeping 6 hours straight, getting up to eat, then going back down for another 3 hours, getting up to eat, then playing for a little bit and then going back down for 1-2 hours.
--You are so very chatty!  Your favorite thing to say is still "goo" but your vocabulary is getting bigger and you're definitely finding your voice...and I love it!  Your sweet little voice is music to my ears!
--You're still extremely happy in the mornings.
--We moved you to your crib a couple of weeks ago.  You like your crib and I like you in your crib!  It was a little hard for me to make that move, but now I sleep better at night!  And I think you do too!
--You laughed for the first time 2 weeks ago.  It was the CUTEST thing ever!  Your daddy was at work so he didn't get to see/hear it, but you laughed for him the next week so all is well again in the Fager home!
--You are a mama's girl right now...
--You are constantly sucking on your digits or fist...which makes for a lot of drool!
--You're starting to lunge forward (or what I call "doing crunches") and it's the funniest thing to watch.  You lunch yourself forward but haven't learned how to lean yourself back!  So then you get stuck on your face/belly!
--Baby Einstein keeps your attention for about 15 minutes.
--We read several books a day and you love it!  You are so observant when I read to you and you just stare at the pages and take it all in.

--Your first Easter was spent in Champaign with Grandma and Grandpa and we had the best weekend!  

--Your neck and back are getting a lot stronger...even though you still don't like tummy time!  

--You're about to outgrow all of your 0-3 month clothes!  Which I'm sad about because you have some REALLY cute 0-3 month clothing!  

--You got your 2 month shots and you handled them pretty well...I think I was more nervous and upset about them than you were!  

--At your 2 month appointment, you over 11 pounds and 20.5 inches long.  You averaged 40th percentile in most of your stats.  

--You smiled for the first time during bath time a couple of weeks ago!  Yay!  No more stern face!

--Your hair is getting SO LONG!  Daddy likes to brush it towards your face after bath time and make you look like Justin Beiber...  

--You and Daddy gave me the most wonderful first Mother's Day a mommy could ask for!!

You have brought so much joy to our lives...you've shown me a level of happines, bliss and love that I didn't even know existed.  On this Mother's Day, you've also made me realize just how much more I appreciate my own mother.  Thank you for teaching me new things every single day...you teach me new things about you and you teach me new things about me.  Everyday I pray for guidance, patience and good health for our little family.  You've changed every thread of my being and I never want to go back to the way I was.   I love you, my sweet!

Love,

Mommy

Pals

How sweet are these pics??  Gibby wanted Violet to come over and play and Violet just couldn't keep her eyes off of him!  I can't wait to watch them grow up together, along with Gibby's little brother that will be here in September!  I just love these two kiddos to pieces!!  

The Greatest Experiment

So, the older V gets, the less time I have to do the things I want or need to do...like, blogging!  In the spare time that I do get, it's usually spent cleaning, cooking, going out to lunch, etc.  Luckily, my little lady has decided to take great naps today, which leaves me more time to Facebook stalk, shop online and finally, blog!

We were visiting with some friends a couple of weeks ago and we were discussing how parenting was going, how V was, etc.  We were discussing some of the challenges that we were having, some of the concerns and how we're still unsure about this whole parenting thing.  Our friend's mom said it quite perfectly.  She said, "Parenting your first child is an experiment.  Yes, your first child is your guinea pig, but everything works out alright and soon you'll forget just how hard it is parenting your first child."  I'm not saying that V is a difficult baby, because she's far from being difficult.  She sleeps well, plays well, eats well and gives me the sweetest smiles all day long.  But life sure is more stressful when you're constantly thinking about what you can do to make her sleep longer...travel better...smile more...like tummy time more...and the list goes on and on.  (Not to mention, always questioning yourself and wondering if you're doing a good enough job and if you're being a good wife, daughter, daughter in law, sister, friend.)  And our friend's mom is right.  It's all an experiment.

When V gets really tired and isn't put down for a nap or bed fast enough, she gets super pissed (it's the angry Asian in her).  Through much experimentation on how to calm her down, I've discovered that running the bathtub always calms her long enough to shove a boob in her mouth and then put her to bed.  The stressful part is that I know a lot of what I figure out will change as she goes through her phases.  I asked my friend today when do babies start to become normal people??  I didn't like her answer... I wonder if parents of multiple children think it gets easier with the second or third kid?  Do you feel that you have a better grasp on things?  Or is it that you're still experimenting but now you're experimenting with more confidence?  Or maybe it's that you just don't have the time to stress because you're chasing around two/three/four kids instead of focusing all your attention on one?  All I know is, I'm loving this parenting thing, but I just wish I had an answer to every question that I have.  This whole "worrying" thing is so foreign to me and I hope to get back to my laid back days...but I'm thinking that worrying just goes hand in hand with being a parent...

Luckily, I have this adorable, sweet, funny, fascinating baby to outweigh the stress, worry and concern!  Just gotta keep my eye on the prize!