The Greatest Experiment

So, the older V gets, the less time I have to do the things I want or need to do...like, blogging!  In the spare time that I do get, it's usually spent cleaning, cooking, going out to lunch, etc.  Luckily, my little lady has decided to take great naps today, which leaves me more time to Facebook stalk, shop online and finally, blog!

We were visiting with some friends a couple of weeks ago and we were discussing how parenting was going, how V was, etc.  We were discussing some of the challenges that we were having, some of the concerns and how we're still unsure about this whole parenting thing.  Our friend's mom said it quite perfectly.  She said, "Parenting your first child is an experiment.  Yes, your first child is your guinea pig, but everything works out alright and soon you'll forget just how hard it is parenting your first child."  I'm not saying that V is a difficult baby, because she's far from being difficult.  She sleeps well, plays well, eats well and gives me the sweetest smiles all day long.  But life sure is more stressful when you're constantly thinking about what you can do to make her sleep longer...travel better...smile more...like tummy time more...and the list goes on and on.  (Not to mention, always questioning yourself and wondering if you're doing a good enough job and if you're being a good wife, daughter, daughter in law, sister, friend.)  And our friend's mom is right.  It's all an experiment.

When V gets really tired and isn't put down for a nap or bed fast enough, she gets super pissed (it's the angry Asian in her).  Through much experimentation on how to calm her down, I've discovered that running the bathtub always calms her long enough to shove a boob in her mouth and then put her to bed.  The stressful part is that I know a lot of what I figure out will change as she goes through her phases.  I asked my friend today when do babies start to become normal people??  I didn't like her answer... I wonder if parents of multiple children think it gets easier with the second or third kid?  Do you feel that you have a better grasp on things?  Or is it that you're still experimenting but now you're experimenting with more confidence?  Or maybe it's that you just don't have the time to stress because you're chasing around two/three/four kids instead of focusing all your attention on one?  All I know is, I'm loving this parenting thing, but I just wish I had an answer to every question that I have.  This whole "worrying" thing is so foreign to me and I hope to get back to my laid back days...but I'm thinking that worrying just goes hand in hand with being a parent...

Luckily, I have this adorable, sweet, funny, fascinating baby to outweigh the stress, worry and concern!  Just gotta keep my eye on the prize!

Dear Violet...

Today, you are 2 months old and you have changed so much since when I first held you in my arms...which feels like just yesterday.  It has been so much fun watching you grow and change everyday.  I'm so blessed to be able to stay home with you and watch you kick, talk, sleep and smile.  

Some of the ways you've changed since you've been 1 month old:

--You are starting to stay awake a lot more...but you still love to sleep!  

--Speaking of sleep, starting at about 5 weeks, you decided you were going to sleep through the night!  You sleep anywhere between 7-9 hours, wake up to eat, then go back down for another 2-3 hours.  For instance, last night you slept 8.5 hours straight, got up to eat, then slept for another 2.5!  You're a dream!!

--You usually get a little fussy in the evenings because you're ready for bed.

--You've been taking a good long nap in the morning and then a good long nap in the afternoon.

--You have outgrown all your newborn jammies...  :(

--Your hair is so long, it had a knot in it the other day!

--You're starting to talk so much!  The sound of your voice is music to my ears...

--I can tell you're on the verge of laughing!

--Your favorite thing to say is, "Goo."

--Your favorite place is the changing table.  You move your legs and arms like you're dancing!  It's the cutest thing!  

--You still love to stretch...and when you're doing a good stretch, you grunt really loud.  

--You burp and fart like a frat boy.

--You're trying so hard to find your digits to suck on...but you can't seem to find your thumb! Good thing your fist and/or wrist satisfies you, 

--You're still sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed...I suppose we'll move you into your crib soon...but I'm not ready yet!  

--You'll be getting your first round of shots next week and I am NOT excited about it...AT ALL.  

--You weigh about 12 pounds and are 22 inches long.  

--You're getting better at taking a bottle...but you still think that breast is best!  

--Your cheeks are just so big!  And cute!!  Your Auntie Linz said that your cheeks were swallowing your lips!

--You're always so good when I take you out to lunch or dinner...hardly ever fussy!  

--When you're really mad, I'm the only one that can calm you down.  

--You always want me to hold you on my shoulder...I'm only allowed to cradle you when you're eating.  So bossy!

--You are the most chatty in the mornings.  You wake up soooo happy!  

--You still don't know what to think of bath time...you don't cry but you refuse to smile!  

--Daddy and I love taking you on walks.  

--You're still not a fan of tummy time!  

--You were baptized on March 27th and it was such a special day for us.  We had about 40 family and friends come to the baptism and to brunch...you are a very loved little lady!

--You started sitting in the Bumbo seat at 7 weeks and you love it!  

--I can already tell that you're going to have a laid back personality...but you've also got a little angry Asian in you!

You are such a blessing, my love, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.  You've changed my heart and life and it will never be the same again.  Every morning I wake up so excited to see your beautiful face.  If I'm ever down about anything, snuggling with you and feeling your sweet breath on my neck makes all my worries or sadness disappear.  Thank you for teaching me how to be patient and teaching me how to pray more.  I love you more than anything.

Love,

Mommy

I'm talkin' to you!

Loves to shake it on the changing table! Gonna change it to the dance table! All she needs are a couple of glow sticks!

so many changes in so little time

I can't believe that next week my little lady is going to be 2 months old!  I seriously don't know where the time has gone!  When I look at her everyday, I see so many different changes.  She's starting to recognize her daddy and me, she smiles all the time, she's very chatty, her face seems to get chubbier and chubbier by the second!  I know she's on the verge of laughing any day now!

When I look back to how my life has changed in the past 2 months there are just too many changes to count.  But when I look back to how my life has changed in the past year, there are a million more changes to consider.  For instance, the month of March used to be, well, a blur for my friends, husband and me!  We'd celebrate my hubs' birthday, Mardi Gras, Arch Madness and St. Patty's Day...all which included a not so healthy amount of booze...then in April, we'd have a funeral for our livers and then there was a rebirth of our livers just in time for Cinco de  Mayo.  When I think about this summer, I get so excited about all the things I'll get to do with my little lady, but a part of me is also sad that my summers will probably never be the same again.  There have been so many great memories of watching the Cards play from our "crack seats" and annoying the hell out of people at Paddy O's before AND after the game.  Taunting/screaming at/heckling Cubs fans during the Cards/Cubs series (CUBS SUCK...SINCE 1908!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).   Basically, on Friday night, we'd booze it up with a ton of Bud Light (we would avoid any open flames because we would probably catch on fire) and then sweat it out at Paddy O's and then treat ourselves to some late night/early early morning Taco Bell...and then do it all over again the next day for the Saturday afternoon game.  This might not sound like a fun time to most of you, but it's been some of my most fun summer moments that I've ever had.  I realize that my life isn't over because I had a baby, but it certainly will never be the same again.  I mean, can you see me heckling Cubs fans while my baby is sitting in the Baby Bjorn??  Actually, don't answer that because I could totally see me doing that...  I guess my point is, I wouldn't change my past summers for anything...and I'm sure I'll wish I could have some of those summers back.  But at the same time, I can't wait to start spending my summers with Violet and doing fun things with her.  I already can't wait to see her in her little bikini...and mama might have a margarita or two while sitting by the pool!

Mel and me doing what we do...which is to steal random stranger's bar props and using them for our own photo opp...

These towels were later used at Paddy O's for 'Bud Light sweating out of our pores' towels...

No green beer or Irish car bombs for me this St. Patty's Day, but I was more than happy to spend it with my not-so-Irish looking baby!!

I Never Imagined...

...that a person so small could have so much power over me.

...that I would gain 40 pounds while being pregnant.

...that 32 of that 40 would literally just fall off.

...that I would hate having bigger boobs.

...that my complexion would be worse than when I was going through puberty!  

...that a toothless grin would be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

...that I could miss my family so much.

...that one little person could make so much dirty laundry.

...that I would value my friends' opinions and advice so much.

...that I would fall in love with my husband all over again.

...that a person so small could have such loud, long and smelly farts.

...that I would want to be a stay at home mom.

...that having a newborn baby would be so easy!  (That's right, I said easy...I'm sure I just jinxed myself!)

...that the sound of cooing and gurgles would be music to my ears.

...that I could eat so fast when there is a screaming baby.

...that I would care more about my baby's wardrobe than my own!!

...that my 3 bedroom home could feel so small after having a baby.

...that I could shower in lightening speed.  

...that my baby would have better swimwear than me.

...that working out could be so hard.

...that I could love someone so much.  

Speaking of imagining, I just wanted to share Violet's birth announcements that Sherry Reichert at Imagine Photography did.  Can I just say, she is THE BEST photographer!!  Not only did I fall in love with the birth announcements, all of the pictures that she took were just breathtaking!  I mean, I knew that Violet was stunning but I had no idea she was that beautiful!  She really captured the beauty, simplicity and innocence of a newborn baby.  I really can't wait to keep taking Violet back to Sherry.  The images below really don't do the announcements and pictures justice.  You'll just have to book Sherry and see for yourself!  

Side 1

Side 2

Violet and I wish you a happy and loved hump day!

Dear Violet...

Today, you are a month old and I can't remember what life was like before you were here.  When I look back to the day you were born, I am amazed at how much you've changed and all the new things you do everyday.  But I'm most amazed at how much I love you more and more everyday...because I think there is no possible way I could love you more than the day before, but my love for you just seems to grow and grow.
Some of the things you've done in the first month of being my daughter:
--In the first 2 weeks of being here, you just mostly slept the days and nights away.  But now, you stay awake from about 8 - 10 in the morning and then again from 7 - 10 in the evenings.
--You gained 1 1/2 pounds in two weeks and grew an inch!  You are probably about 9 pounds by now.  Needless to say, you're a great eater.
--You still wear newborn sizes but are going to grow out of those in a week or so.
--You only get really angry when you're really hungry and I don't whip out the boob fast enough.
--You're a great sleeper and are hardly EVER fussy.
--You are starting to coo and make the cutest noises.
--Sometimes you make a noise that sounds like a cat.  It's weird...but cute.
--You smile in your sleep a lot and it's just the cutest thing EVER.
--You're starting to look right at me when I talk to you and it's as if you're listening and understanding what I'm saying.  You even open your mouth as if you want to tell me something.
--You love to stretch.  You could stretch for days.  I think I have a future yoga guru.
--You're going to need a hair cut soon!  You might be Katie's youngest customer...and cutest!
--You grunt a lot in your sleep.  And it's really loud.
--When you're mad, you look like your dad...which is really weird because your dad is rarely ever mad!
--You love to stare at the Hello Kitty doll that Auntie Linz got you when I change your diaper.
--You're still sleeping in the bassinet next to our bed...not sure when I'll be ready to move you into your crib!
--We had our first outing today (other than a doctor's appointment) and met Daddy, Nam and Pop for lunch.  You were an angel.
--We had our first road trip this past weekend to see Grandma and Grandpa and once again, an angel.
--Everyone says that you look more and more like your dad...but I see a lot of me in you.
--When you cry, you now have tears and it breaks my heart.  
--You have beautiful long fingers and Grandma says that you'll be a great pianist someday.
--You've made Daddy and my bedtime around 9 o'clock...Candy Lane becomes Zombie Lane after 9!
--You don't really like to take a binky, but you will every once in a while.

--You're not sure what to think of bath time yet...sometimes you hate it and most of the time you're pretty zen about it.  

--We watch Teen Mom together and although I may not be the perfect mom, I know I have it more together than those girls!  

--You've changed a lot about me inside and out...and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I love you more than anything in the whole wide world.  Thanks for the most wonderful, fulfilling, beautiful, magnificent, amazing, inspiring, sensational, joyful, delightful, first month!

Love,
Mommy

Our first non-doctor appointment outing!  

This is your typical bath face...not sure what to think about bath time!  

no longer knocked up and employed full time

It was three weeks ago today, that I was admitted into the hospital.  Notice I didn't say three weeks ago today, that I had my baby...but more on that later.  It seems as though I've been cut off from the outside world because I've been so busy being employed full time by my 7.5 pound boss.  She'll be three weeks old tomorrow and I can't believe how fast the time has gone...I guess being sleep deprived makes the days just disappear.  I'm hoping being sleep deprived will help make my baby weight just disappear as well.

Seeing as though I had the easiest 9 months being pregnant, I just KNEW deep down that I would have the worst experience with my labor.  Well, I was admitted into the hospital on a Monday at 10:00 am, induced by 2:00 pm and had a c-section by Tuesday night at 8:00 pm and my lil lady was born at 8:31 pm.  I don't remember when she graced my presence because I was so drugged up.  My anesthesia didn't work so I was in an excruciating amount of pain so the anesthesiologist finally blessed me with a wonderful dose of propophal...yes, the drug that Michael Jackson overdosed on...  I don't really remember much, but my husband and my doctor reminded me of the fact that I asked the anesthesiologist (whom I referred to as "Dr. Anesthesiologist") if he put Corona in my IV and if he could give me some more Corona.  After Violet was born, she was getting cleaned up across the room, where my husband was as well.  Apparently I was yelling across the room asking him whose nose she had (I asked him twice) and yelling that I wanted to see her hair.  Not really sure what I thought I could see, considering the drugs made me see double.  So when they finally brought my baby to me, I asked if I had twins because I was seeing double.  Like I said, I really had it coming with my easy breezy pregnancy.  But going through all that pain (there are several more details that I left out but I have a sister and friends that someday want to have children and I don't want to scare them with my dreadful birthing details) was totally worth it when I finally got to hold my baby.  All the torment that I went through just disappeared when I kissed her for the first time.  There is nothing in the world that can describe how I felt when I held my lil lady for the first time.  I remember asking my husband, "Can you believe we get to keep something so beautiful and perfect?"

She is still beautiful and perfect and has been the best baby a mom could ask for.  She only cries when she's hungry and she's a great sleeper, a great eater and really great at filling her britches.  Not to mention, she's just the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on!  I'm not going to pretend like it's been an effortless three weeks.  The first 24 hours were hell and I had some major meltdowns (one in particular when I cried to my husband that I wasn't meant to be a mom because my cervix would never ripen and because my baby hated me).  But the incredible parts definitely outweigh the stressful parts (and I do believe that my hormone levels are starting to normalize).  I could not have asked for a more wonderful and loving baby daddy and could not have gotten through the first few days without him and my family and friends...in particular, my mom and sissy.  I'm sure not all my blog posts will sound so positive and dreamy, but seeing as though I got to sleep in a little bit today, that's how this entry will be!

The Hwang ladies!  

The happy family!  

puff mommy

I'm proud to say that I've hit the 39 week mark and have only have a handful of meltdowns!  However, yesterday I almost had a meltdown because our washing machine decided that it had been working overtime and was going to permanently check out.  I called my husband in tears and told him about the fight that I had with our washing machine and how ultimately, I lost the fight.  He could definitely sense the agony and anguish in my voice and came home last night with a new washing machine!  Major meltdown averted!  I never thought I would be this excited over a new appliance!  But I just kept picturing washing all the baby clothes on a washing board in pond...a bit dramatic, yes...but when you're this pregnant and uncomfortable, you can't help but be a bit  melodramatic!  

Speaking of uncomfortable, I'm quite sure I can't get much bigger and puffier!  I can no longer wear my wedding ring, my puffy feet/ankles can only fit into one pair of boots, and my nose looks like it's having a baby of its own.  But the scariest part of all (other than the nose baby) is that I'll probably still be pregnant at 41 weeks!  My lil lady is snug as a bug and refuses to drop.  I'm all about letting her come when she's ready and letting labor progress as naturally as possible, but eventually, I'm kicking her out.  If I haven't had her by next week, we'll be discussing how we're going to give her the boot!  The doctor told us to plan something really exciting between now and next week, and surely she'll decide to make her grand appearance during that planned event!  Cancun, anyone?

dairy queen

So, I'm 38 weeks pregs today.  The past 35 weeks have somewhat flown by...but these past couple of weeks have been dragging by.  I haven't been in the mood to blog much because, let's face it, all I would be doing would be complaining about my aching hips, my swelling fingers, the fact that I can't even wear my watch anymore, how I grunt when I put on my boots, peeing like Seabiscuit every 30 minutes, my ever expanding nose, getting the new Victoria's Secret swimsuit catalog and ripping it into shreds and doing a rain dance on it...I mean, who wants to read about how miserable and cranky I am???  For the most part, this pregnancy has made me a nicer person!  I feel like it normalized all my crazy hormones (minus the missing extra sauce meltdown incident) and people have even commented on how I'm a nicer person now that I'm knocked up...by the way, should I be offended by that?  Nah, I know it's true.  But these past couple of weeks have been torture for me.  Most days, I'm convinced that I have more than one baby in my belly.  I'm sure there are 4 feet playing soccer with my vital organs or possibly 3 babies swinging from my ribs.  No matter how many babies are dancing around in there, I'm ready for them to be out!

Lately, the only thing that calms my nerves is eating something sweet.  I've lost all my cravings (not that I had that many) and also I don't enjoy eating anymore.  But brownies, gooey butter cake and ice cream seem to loosen my choke hold around the victim closest to me.  I've never been an ice cream junky, but Dairy Queen has become my new best friend.  But all of a sudden, the words Dairy Queen have had a different effect on me...now that I finished the book, Breastfeeding Sucks.  Meaning, in a couple of weeks, I will become the new Dairy Queen.  EEEEK!!!  I've never been a fan of scary movies, but I would rather watch Pet Cemetery (as you can tell, I haven't watched a scary movie in a long time...) a million times over than read this chilling book again!  But the most horrifying part is, I'll be living this book pretty soon!  I will become the new Dairy Queen, which is the scariest character in the book!!!  I've been having nightmares about breastfeeding!  I know that people all over the world do it everyday and it's not a big deal...but for some reason, I am terror stricken with the whole thing!  As much as I'm ready for my little lady to be here, I'm not sure if I'm ready to be a leaking milk machine 24 hours a day...I already warned my milk machine friends that they will be getting phone calls (at all hours of the day) so I can get some encouragement and not give up on my milking task.  All you Dairy Queen mom's out there, I nominate you for Anderson Cooper's CNN Heroes!!

A picture of Stephanie Dillow and me (hope you don't mind I'm using this pic, Steph!)

I'm using this as my 38 week photo...possibly the last time I stand in front of a camera!  

(Almost) 30, flirty and as big as a house

In less than three weeks, I will be turning the big 3-0.  Yikes.  In about 4 weeks, I will have a baby.  Double yikes???  I never really pictured celebrating my 30th birthday sober and as big as a house!  I'm not complaining because I know it's for a good reason.  And actually, getting older doesn't bother me as much as it used to.  I find myself looking forward to the future and eager to see what it may bring.  I'm pretty sure my change in attitude has to do with this little lady growing (and kicking/flipping/hiccuping/ stretching/punching) inside of me.  In an instant, my priorities have changed and what I want for ME has changed to what I want for my family.

Not being able to have a big 30th birthday bash has been a little easier to digest because of the huge 29th birthday bash I had last year.  My friend, Erin and I share the same birthday so we did it up big...80's style! I'm pretty sure I'm STILL recovering from that party.  Just thinking about The Goonies and 16 Candles makes me a little nauseous...no...more...bright...colors...

Yes, that's a tape cassette headband...something I may pass down to V...if she's lucky...  :)

Yes, we are going to be parents soon...eek!  

So...much...blush...

Did you know Pac-man yellow icing can stain your skin??  For a couple of days???

Like I said, I'm fine with calmly and quietly celebrating my 30th birthday!